Embracing the Meltdown

I'm not sure if it's returning to work, Evan being poorly or just general motherhood that has knocked me about this past week. But after visiting a friend yesterday, I realised just how 'out of sorts' I am lately.

I guess it's only a matter of time before exhaustion kicks in, our smiles fade, our legs give way, eyes glaze over and we stumble through the day the best we can...

Having had a great start to the day, it was like I received an unbeknown knock to my head. Whilst at my friends, I was unable to string a sentence together, forgetting instantly what I was saying as the words left my mouth, my train of thought totally haywire, hearing words being spoken but nothing registering in my frazzled mind. And then before I knew it, I had tears leaking from my bleary eyes, hands over my face, I was having a meltdown.



Looking at Evan playing happily, I felt nothing but guilt that I was failing him, trying to hide my tears from my innocent boy.
I was quickly brought back to reality by H, with an invitation to let go of my feelings and reassurance that being teary and incoherent with each other is part of the deal in our friendship. Allowing myself to embrace the meltdown, I soon recovered and instantly felt lighter. I was able to hold a conversation (just), and make it through the rest of the day without losing my mind. Again.

Although a little embarrassed, I later realised that it is ok to have a 'blip'. To admit you are having a tough day, week, month, are muddling through, running on empty, on auto pilot.
So why do we rarely hear this from moms? Motherhood is the most rewarding job out there, it is also a pretty tough one. One that stretches your abilities, tests your every strength and weakness, emotionally, physically, spiritually. This said, I often look at other mothers and wonder if they find it as tiring and tough as I do sometimes.
I may get one of those jumpers that say 'I'm so tired', inviting all you mamas to say 'hey, me too!'. Because you really aren't failing if you say it out loud.

 So with a new day, although still a little hazy, I am trying to slow things down, keep things simple. After all, it is only myself who puts the pressure on so it is only I who can take it off. And if a day at home is needed, staying in our pjs until midday, so it shall be.
I am again feeling positive in my abilities as Evans mama, happy that I have found a good friend in H and a reminder to embrace that meltdown should it creep up on me again......And I'm pretty sure it will do! I invite you all to do the same.